I’m not one for gossip, says Richard Renouf. But I’ve had three inspections recently which I simply must tell you about…

Vignette 1
Mrs H greeted me with a smile and ushered me through the hall to her kitchen. The hall had a beautiful mosaic floor, in pristine condition in spite of its age. The kitchen had a new LVT flooring in a grey stone effect and it looked filthy by comparison.

Not only was it badly scratched, but this was obvious because the scratches were brown and grubby.

The noise of large paws scraping at the inside of the front room door were obvious as we passed.
Lurking in the garden, pretending to be pruning, but casting unsubtle glances towards Mrs H, was Gavin, the handyman. It turned out he was also the installer of the flooring and seemed to be involved in a lot of other aspects of Mrs H’s life.

I didn’t speculate. By the time I’d carried out various checks, Gavin had made his way into the kitchen, been served a cup of tea by Mrs H, and then had started to grill me about my opinion. I don’t give my findings during any inspection, but Gavin had the disposition of a Rottweiler and didn’t give up easily.

In due course I sent my report across to the retailer who had commissioned me. Within ten minutes Mrs H was on the phone and within three sentences Gavin was chipping in with his opinion about why my opinion was wrong and that he was going to take things further to ensure Mrs H got what she wanted. In spite of his appearance, he clearly saw himself as a knight in shining armour acting to rescue his damsel in distress.

‘Of course the scratches are brown,’ Mrs H told me, ‘I deliberately didn’t do any cleaning before you came so that you could see how bad they were!’

Vignette 2
Mr P didn’t answer the door even after two loud follow-up knocks. I went back to the car and called him. The house was rather gloomy and the dark walnut stain on the flooring was indistinguishable from the dark wall panelling and furniture throughout the home.

There were statues of the Buddha and other religious symbols on display and a small room off the lounge was adorned with candles and incense burners. Unusual triangular cushions were scattered around the floor.

There were two issues. Some of the planks of the engineered wood flooring had crown figuring but most didn’t and was quite plain. In the gloom it hardly seemed to matter, but to Mrs P it clearly did.
The real issues, however, was that under one footstool the flooring was so badly scratched the entire surface finish had been removed and light wood was showing.

I had to use a ring light to take some pictures of the damaged floor and this revealed the grit and dirt that was prevalent, including many dog hairs and hints of any number of take-aways.

Vignette 3
Lord G-to-be drove his telehandler down the drive from his mansion to meet me at his barn conversion. This was now a holiday let, but had been occupied under a long-term tenancy before he evicted the tenants. ‘Left the flooring in a disgraceful state. Dog urine, baby sick, you name it!’ he said. ‘Had it refinished by a local company, but the damage is still there.’

As he showed me round he pointed out which marks were caused by the tenants and which had happened since, as far as he could tell.

All of them were areas where the colour had been bleached from the natural oak so they were lighter than the surrounding wood.

Lord G was suing for the cost of replacing the flooring. The quotes were substantial. The Court had ordered that the parties had to agree to an independent inspection. The tenants had met me outside, but Lord G had refused to allow them inside.

When the refinishing had been done Lord G had taken photos of the damage that remained visible. From these pictures I was able to identify exactly which areas were in dispute and to note that these were now in a far worse condition, with more surface damage, and visible wetness seeping along the grain at the header joints.

Moisture readings indicated the floor surface was very wet, probably as a result of being given a panic mopping shortly before I arrived, but that was vigorously denied when my report was read.
My suggestion that the re-finisher could easily have colour-matched the bleached areas with suitable wood stains before applying the overall hard wax finish was met with disbelief. ‘Are you suggesting it could have been coloured in with a felt-tip pen?’ was his retort.

I understand Mrs H is now pursuing the retailer because she doesn’t think it should be possible to scratch the flooring. Mr P is just as persistent and feels the presence of grit is a red herring. The flooring must be faulty, and all wood should have a crown figure, so the manufacturer must be at fault. As for Lord G-to-be, he did suggest that the tenants compromise with him, but they’ve had enough of his pomposity and have become as stubborn as him, determined not to pay another penny after all he has already taken from them and has put them through.

At least I left all three homes cleaner than I found them. Look at the state of my trousers!
www.richard-renouf.com
Richard Renouf is an independent flooring consultant